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Aug. 18th, 2009

There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which
kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

-Washington Irving

4th of july reflections.


actually this has nothing to do with the 4th. besides my red and blue ensemble capped with my cherry red lips.

it dawned on me today that strangely, the kitchen has become 'my place' in the house. not because of any gender role or unwritten agreement between a husband or wife (or am i just being nieve?) but i think, part of the reason being it is the home of my laptop. since our wireless router passed away quite tragically months ago i can go no more than ten feet away from the modem, which is plugged in to the ugliest wall hook-up you've even seen. this means to facebook/livejournal/thousand random blog stalk i must sit here at my kitchen counter.

i'm also enjoying cooking more. mhm, say what?  it's a strange, the sudden desire in the middle of the day, like a lightening bolt. oh! the frozen chicken would make a great crockpot meal with salsa, cream of chicken soup, instant taco rice and hm.. i know i have some onion in the fridge to throw in!

who is this person?

also, recently, i'm attempting to make more of an effort in living my life as it flows rather than swimming upstream. that means puppy has full reign to the couch, cats (for the most part) are allowed damn wherever they please, and then letting go of the broken dryer and half-finished home projects. it's tough i'll tell ya. cause then you get:



anyway, i need to cut up my cream cheese bar dessert i made for tonight....

with love, from the kitchen counter.

sometimes i forget.

how blessed i am.

when i'm feeling lonely because my husband is away providing for us. when my friends and family are busy with their own lives. when i feel stuck with a puppy insistent on pushing my buttons. when i look around me and i see work to be done. so much work.

and it's a struggle to accept. we may not be blessed with an addition to our family overnight.

so sometimes. and lately. my heart has been heavy.

---

today i am packing to go on a weekend camping trip with the hubs and pup.

i am looking forward to time away. time to re-connect. with the husband. with nature. with me.

i'm hoping. for some light.
and even she is a little embarrassed to admit, she has fallen for the twilight insanity.

the hubs and i rented the movie a week or so ago and when it was over i thought, 'okay, cute teen flick.' i'm pretty sure dan was about to leave until the vampires starting ripping their throats out and then, yeah, he thought it was okay.

but i knew there had to be more than this. so i went to the library to, yah know, maybe see if it was in stock. shockingly with nine copies, none were in and four were already held for other people.

then came a tough decision. do i sulk up there, 25-year old trying to look 13, and ask to have one reserved?

you know i did.

and when it came in. i finished the 500-page mammoth in three days. and here's the reason.

it speaks to every fantasy a 16-year old could dream of. a fairy tale of chivalry, desire, suspense, longing and pure romance. basically soft-core porn for the young female emotions. seriously, it's so wrong.

so now what?

we'll see. i have book two on hold.

lucy. 2.0

the puppy. oh the puppy. central to my conversations with dan. did she poop? what did she get into? when does she need to go out next?

she has a fondness for the couch (which, hell, i can relate to that). but she's not allowed on there. so i wouldn't be surprised if she thought her name was no-stop-get down-leave the cats alone-get out of there-no-stop- and then one for good measure- NOOOOOOOOO.

i'm not so worried though because you would think she would respond to it if it were her name. but she doesn't. or her name.

you know, one of the defining moments when we were picking out which puppy to come with us was when the little girl puppy was sitting on a bench and the mom went up to discipline her and she snapped at her mommy.

yup, that's our lucy.

dear life:

everyday you present me challenges. some predictable. some not.

and i try. so hard. to let them roll off my back. place my shield of protection and fight them away.

somedays it's easier than others.

i get hurt pretty easily. i think you know that.

but if that 's the consequence of having such a lovely life. then i'm okay with that.

very okay.

serenity.

thank you for keeping my family safe.
 
for providing me strength when it's needed the most. 

for showing love in places unimaginable.

and for the gift - of being here - everyday.

ch-ch-ch-changes.


so the hubs, sis-in-law and i went to see lion king the other night. great show. go see it. anyway it was on the campus of msu and it happened to be a sunny day so the students were pouring out our over campus. driving through stirred memories of living in the campus bubble where there is no outside world. just classes, beer and boys. i won't say life was carefree. i don't think i've EVER felt carefree in my life. but so many opportunities lie in front of you. i had great professors who stirred passions and produced great thoughts.

ANYWAY. today tickets went on sale for a concert this summer. for a band we always used to listen to. a band we've seen live numerous times. so i call dan to tell him about it. apparently he already knew about it. and wasn't interested in going. 'i'm just not into that music anymore.'

....

uh. can you repeat that?! and then he mentions well maybe you can find someone else to go with. what?!?! realizing i was hurt he countered 'well would you come to a country show this summer?' uhm sure, cause you're my husband.

so conversation i never could imagine occurred today. he no longer likes rock but is in love with country.

who knew i would be a country bride.

lucy.


we got a puppy. we love her. she's a pain.


dan was in his room playing the computer with lucy locked in, going nuts, barking, clawing on the door, generally being crazy puppy -


and i hear him say.. "okay, now what did we just discuss."


yeah good luck negotiating babe.